In 1989 Steven Covey published his highly acclaimed book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People[1], Over 10 million copies have been sold to date. In his book Covey outlines consistent behaviors that are found in successful people in many different walks of life.  I know from talking to different people over the years that many view the seven habits as “the seven magic behaviors” that make someone successful.  They set out to “be proactive,” “begin with the end in mind,” “put first things first,” etc. thinking that by changing their behaviors success will come.  Unfortunately many people only see short-term changes in their life, or minimal change, if any at all.  What happened?

It is an age-old problem.  It is attempting change from the outside-in instead of the inside-out. The habits that Covey identified are the results, the fruit if you will, of a successful person’s mindset and thinking.  Yes, these things can be learned, but without the proper mindset behind them, they have fury and motion but not real substance.  “Being” must come before “doing.”  Covey clearly understood this, but many readers miss this important point. I know I did for years! Covey identifies a change in mindset that is necessary before true success can be achieved.  He coined the phrase, “abundance mentality” or an “abundance mindset.”  According to Covey an abundance mindset is “a concept in which a person believes there are enough resources and success to share with others.[2]”  This is contrasted with a “poverty” or a “scarcity” mindset where a person believes that if someone else wins, they lose.  Allowing an abundance mentality (the true believe and a lifestyle that reflects that belief) is a prerequisite to the “seven habits.”

The same thing is true in relationships.  If I attempt to fix a broken relationship by changing what I do and I don’t change how I think, my attempts for change are doomed to failure.  I am putting “doing” ahead of “being.”  It really doesn’t matter if I bring my wife coffee in the morning, bring her flowers once per week and have a date night once per month if I don’t truly love her from the core of my being, and treat her with tenderness and love through the week.  If I still react out of my wounds all she will see is “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.”  Nothing has really changed, only the exterior habits.

This same principle is found in the letter to the Galatians where the fruit of the Spirit is described.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Gal 5:22-23, NIV).  The way to bear this fruit in my life is for my heart and soul to be in harmony with that of the Spirit of God.  When this happens fruit will come.

If you want lasting results, focus on “being” and the “doing” will come much more naturally and with great joy.

~ Greg

[1] http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People/dp/0671708635

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People